I've always found comfort in solitude. As a child, I was never a fan of group projects in class; I would rather do the work myself. In my early teens, I abandoned team sports and found BMX, where your progression and enjoyment was not partially determined by the actions of your teammates. Even now, I ride alone more than ever. It eases my mind, and I don't have to wait for anyone.
However, solitude can create alienation if not doled out sparingly. Lately, I've spent more and more time by my lonesome. I've become more awkward in social interactions, I interact less with my coworkers, and my relationship barely has a pulse. It's not healthy to keep to yourself constantly. The camaraderie of digital peers cannot recreate the rapport of good conversation with close friends and cold beers. I'm making an effort to reintegrate into my social circle, but this has proven difficult. Not really sure why. My main guess is clinical depression, something I've struggled with the past few years. There are plenty of times when I can't or don't relate to the lives & activities of my friends, but instead of dismissing the disconnect, I need to just enjoy the interaction and stop worrying about my own interests and problems. I also have a somewhat strict daily regiment, from work to eating to when I sleep and everything in between, which I need to start breaking. I've finally accepted my fate and begun to take anti-depressants again, and hope I can begin to locate salvation in the form of generic Prozac.
At this point, I really have no other choice, because the other option is pretty grim.
Wah.
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